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we need to talk

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 I've been trying to come up with a theme song for these power rankings. I've reached out to Pearl Jam and Avril Lavigne to see if either of them would be interested in starring in it. I would like to note the intent is that only one of them would actually perform it. However if both were up to it I would not mind a collaboration. I do not know how well that would guy. Probably pretty fucking sick. Drop in the comments who you would like to see perform our theme song. Don't forget to like and subscribe. If you don't I'll shit in your water supply.   THEME: Top 10 races      1 Aubrey's 3rd Leg The Indy 500    The pinnacle of motorsport. Really fast cars go really fast for 500 laps. The crashes are insane. The fans are insane. We all keep blacking out when we go. Sometimes people puke on couches. And that happens. Really it happens to everybody sometimes. Like it's something we all can look back at and laugh at. Because since the guilty party cleaned it ...
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Your WWE Finisher Star Sign

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  Chubb, Chuba, and Chubby- Sleeper  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ce8sPs4eBac This move is effective, slow, methodical and can put out anyone no matter their star power. But you almost always see it coming and a lot of time wrestlers will put up half a fight to get out of it but at the end of the day they always fail. Just like us against Sully’s hydra headed running back room. Hopefully after we all wake up from being choked out from this nightmare of a season we will be in the magical land of .5 ppr or 3rd WR and not have the RB market have a chokehold on us every year. Addison AssEaters- Superkick https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzSBRQV1T40 Look this move stinks everybody does it, it’s been so reused that it barely classifies as a finisher anymore. But when the stars align and the perfect one is hit there’s nothing prettier. Derek’s team lacks the wow factor that other top teams have but it’s solid in almost every aspect and sneaking just under the surface is the superki...
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haters please stop praying on my downfall, i've fallen quite far as is

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The theme is the 10 worst coworkers one could possibly have. If you think this is referring to you I swear to god it's actually someone else. Who am I kidding, if you are on this list you do not have the self awareness to realize it would be you. But remember, these are fictional stereotypes. 1 Chubb, Chuba, and Chubby  The Guy Who Just Wants To Talk About The Reds    This guy is actually a very pleasant person. Seems nice enough, at least for the work place, gets their work done, mostly just another coworker you would normally make quick small talk with when getting coffee. However, this guy knows you like baseball. In an office lacking in baseball fans. So when he sees you, he lets it all out. Your legs will cramp. Your eyelids will become heavy. He will spout the most old school takes of all time. There is no escape. These guys are really good. Roughly the best team in the league.   2 Addison AssEaters  The Guy With Not Train Autism    Here we have ...
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my legs hurt and are shaking

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 I've already determined halfway through the first song that sea shanties are terrible writing songs. Unfortunately I've already determined the theme of this power rankings and I need mood music to write. So I'm stuck with it. I feel like the captain of a ship with the cheapest shittiest crew of all time. SEA MONSTERS   1 Aubrey's 3rd Leg Cthulhu      Cthulhu is a weird fuck created by a very racist guy. I picked him as the number one scariest sea monster though now that I did my research (spent only 15 seconds on its Wikipedia page) I don't know that it even mythologically killed anybody. Too bad he is a very scary fella. Derrick Henry has been struggling. Garrett Wilson has Justin Fields throwing to him. Patrick Mahomes isn't actually a good fantasy quarterback. I'm sure this team isn't very high in the standings... I really hope the stars don't show up so everybody else has a chance.     2 Chubb, Chuba, n Chubby  Kraken    T...
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I wrote this on my work laptop

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Hello I am guest power ranking this week, and unfortunately none of my coworkers wanted to get drunk tonight and there aren't any walkable liquor stores so I'm just doing this sober I guess.  30 min later update I walked to a gas station so now i'm drinking bottled Mich Ultras and doing my best Derek impression. Also, apparently the suburbs of Chicago are not very walkable despite Google Maps routing me this way as if it was walkable. Here's a picture of the highway underpass on the way to the Shell station: Staying in a hotel is strange because there's a strange childlike excitement about it for like 30 seconds and then you realize it sucks. I'm always looking forward to scrolling the cable channels but it turns out TV sucks these days. Anyway, today's theme is things on cable in my hotel room.  #1: Chubb, Chuba, n Chubby TV Show: Seinfeld It's pretty sick how no matter what time it is or where you are, Seinfeld is always on cable somewhere. What's ...
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