Week 7 Power Rankings: SLANT BOYYYSSS WHAT HAPPPEEENNDDUHH
To open this week’s power rankings, I want to hold a moment of silence for all the fallen soldiers Week 7 and all weeks before that have been taken far too early. May they forever be your personal bargaining chip for why your team underperformed for the season and not on your terrible drafting or depth planning.
Probably
one of James roughest of the year. However, it’s still an impressive
performance playing through his lost voice and illness to make sure he didn’t miss the
chance to throw horns down. Absolute football guy grit. One thing Hundred Aker
Woods seems to have completely lost. Even with two strong performances from his
RB1/RB2 they could only muster a weak 79.06 pts. Seeming to only be competitive
with no players on their bye I expect this team to struggle in the weeks to
come. Don’t even deserve having a James video if I could do that.
9) Somebody Lost This Game (Slant Boys)
I think even James would be honest here and say that this was not his best performance. He just didn’t put in the same amount of research or passion into this one to even know who was playing in the game. Can’t blame him because only masochists are passionate about a Panthers/Browns matchup. There’s also nothing to be passionate about on Slant Boys. What was thought to be an early contender for the title at the start of the year as now thrown of L L L L. BOZO!!! With Kelce out for this upcoming week I expect him to take his rightful place in the basement. WHAATTT HAPPPENEEDDDUHHHH!!!!!!!
8) Rams Lose to Bills (Jaylen Waddle Fan Club)
I felt bad
for James in this post, he looked sad. I hope everything was alright that day. It
had all the makings of a classic Jamesdroz flaming but lacked all passion and the
je ne sais quoi as one would hope. I was especially hoping for a James to put
the Rams in their place, but alas. Jaylen Waddle Fan Club was once again put in
their place this week and share last in the league. I don’t see a playoff
picture in the future for this team, but I think they are feisty enough to play
the role of dream ruiner in this extremely tight playoff picture.
James dabbled
in expanding his roast game to the NBA with the start of the season. He made
his most common slip up on forgetting which teams actually played in the game
he’s talking about. But this time he said it so connivingly I think they might actually
be called the Kings. That or he really just hates Sacramento and they just
catching strays. The turds have also been catching strays all season! They rank
3rd in points for but are tied with Waddle at 2-5 (These teams are in no
way the same!!!). I think there is a shot at a playoff position, but they are in
no place to be dropping any loses now. Hopefully playoff Lenny actually gets a
chance to shine for this team later in the year.
6) Bengals Lose to Steelers (Snuck of My Leash)
Something
you will see as these rankings go on is that James really fucking hates the
Bengals and loves any chance, he gets to dog on them. He tried to play it cool
this video, but you could see him starting to lose it at the end. Solid
performance, but I know there was so much more in him. I’m trying to play it
cool as well. I’m not saying it, but I’ve heard others talking about the lethalness
of Snuck Off My Leash. Even with loosing the prodigal son he is quickly
replaced by another top 15 RB in Miles Sanders fresh off a bye with a juicy
matchup. We might have taken a beating this week, but as of now the ship
continues on its same heading. WE WANT THE SHADOWMEN!!
This would
be my 13th reason if I was a Bill’s fan, and this was the first
thing I saw after again missing another prime SB window year. This was one of James’s
first flames that caught fire on TikTok and for good reason. He threw a little
extra on the “uhhh” knowing it would really get to the mafia. I was really disappointed
in Bill’s fans hostility in the comments sections (big L). A team not taking L’s
right now are the Shadowmen. With the return of another stand up fellow to this
team of gentlemen (definitely not a cheater), D Hop could fill in perfectly as
a WR1 at the flex position and mitigates the pain of losing Amon-Ra to smoothie
Brain and glass body syndrome. This is a pivotal week, time to put up or shut
up.
I really
thought James was gonna be caught in a pickle here. With the Ravens playing the
Bengals (two teams he hates more than George Busch hates black people) I
thought he would have to choose to only flame one of them. Little did I know what
he was capable of. He threw down one of his most devastating what happened uhs
to the Bengals. Right when the Raven’s thought they were in the clear they were
blindsided by a rant on the same level as Bill Burr’s Philly rant. Legendary.
Every power ranking, I seem to talk about this team as much as James roasts the
Ravens and Bengals. Although Zach Wilson’s Buddy’s Mom fluctuates often, they
have held a strong showing in the league led by the combo of Lamar Jackson, Ja’Marr
Chase, and 4th round steal Michael Pittman Jr. Solid team whose going
to keep fighting alongside the big dogs.
Imagine
your Joe Burrow and you’re back in the locker room after a brutal lose and this
is the first thing ya see. Man he really hates these guys. Easy top 3 roasting
by James and anytime I see him this happy it just makes my day. You can easily rank
how thrilled he is by how much he eats his camera for the video. The GM of
Henry Rugg’s Driving School should be just as excited as James was if not more.
A true rags to riches story has found his team in perfect form the past 4 weeks
and they only just got better with the recent upgrade to Travis Etienne
becoming the bell-cow back of the Jags. James would not approve of your QB, but
I think he would even put his hatred aside and say the Burrow is him. His
matchup this week is the primetime game for the league this week.
2) Legendary USC Lose to Utah (Washington Sewer Pipes)
Holy shit James
stop they’re already dead!! Who knew it but James might be the biggest hater in
the world of USC football. This was heads and above his most devastating “What
Happened Uhhh” and even threw it into the “U-S-Cuhhhh”. I’m positive there was at
least one future recruit who saw this video and decommitted the next day. Really
this was just outstanding work from James and for the rest of his career he
will be working to find a moment that matches this. The Sewer Pipes will look
to stay at the top of their game as they try to keep this once forsaken
franchise at the top for the first time in franchise history. SOME LEAGUE!
Straight lethal shooters at every position and he’s gonna need it against the hot Rugg’s Driving School. Damn I wish I had traded him Breece.
1) James's 40 Yard TD Run (Tinfoil Tu-Anon)
Its time
we look at James’s success beyond his TikTok fame and fully understand his intimidating
presence on the gridiron. Similar to throwing Derek out for some at-bats on the
freshmen year baseball team, the long-time team manager got his shot to line up
as the RB for Bartlesville HS. James penetrated the defensive line and rattled
off a 40-yard TD run with perfect ball protection! Absolute legend and deserves
the best. Nothing can beat something this awesome but Tinfoil Tu-Anon sure gets
close. Nearly beating the next best team on his BYE week, they deserved to hold
their #1 ranking. With a new home for McCaffery and the resurgence of an Aaron
Jones offense, the holes that existed in this team are starting to appear
filled.
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