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Power Rankings to show you another world outside of football

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  Is your team not doing too great in fantasy this year and you want to escape from the cruel world of football? Boy do I have 2 new time sinks for you this time of year. The League of Legends Worlds tournament is starting this weekend and NBA basketball is about to start its most turbulent season. I’ve ranked the league pro teams from best to worst on paper and assigned a vibes based NBA team to match with them. And then slapped the corresponding fantasy team next to them through a patented mathematically sound formula. So see your team’s ranking and find yourself a new couple of horses to hitch to for the duration of this fantasy season to relieve your eyes from the terror of having to watch Carnell Tate box lines.  1.Gen. G (Cleveland Cavs)- Just Gibbs Me A Reason  Gen G is The team of the regular season, they have top tier korean stars in all 5 roles and have kept a cohesive unit for years now. Touted as the best player in the world, Chovy the mid laner for this team...
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In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered especially heinous.

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 Let us rejoice, the sabbatical I have taken from writing the power rankings is over. My pursuit of winning the lottery, unfortunately, has failed spectacularly. I spent so much money on powerball tickets that I must find alternative uses for the discarded tickets. I can't afford toilet paper so yeah I've been wiping with them. I've been shoving them into my gas tank to burn as fuel for my car. It's such a weird coincidence that my car had a very unrelated mechanical issue at the same time that includes the low fuel light turning on for no reason. Anyways that's been my life. After crunching the metrics, my most popular themes has been about crime, such as celebrity DUIs and white people saying the N-word (which isn't a crime legally but it certainly is spiritually). So I'll give the people more of what they want, every team's biggest criminal.   1 Just Gibbs Me A Reason Criminals: Brian Robinson Jr., Tank Dell Crime: Getting shot (dangerous actions are ...
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PHIL POWER RANKINGS AND ALSO TRADE TALK

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Alright I asked Derek if I could do a power rankings and he said 'I don't care' (inspiring stuff) so I am going to do a power rankings and the theme is trades. Going to rank everyone and assign them a significant NFL trade of the last 10 years and as a bonus I'm going to either grade the trade in the league you've been part of or suggest a trade you should make. 1. New England Harbor Turds NFL Trade Comparable: Broncos trade for Sean Payton. The backbone of a great organization existed in Denver but for some reason hadn't come together in the post-Manning world. Then they trade for Payton (crazy you can do this, and it felt really pricey) and all of a sudden they're looking like a consistent contender. Similarly, the Turds' hiring of Gronk has clearly made all the difference, reading level be damned. Turds look good this year, finally. Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: Honestly this team looks good at every position. Maybe sell Brandon Aubrey to Darri...
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i can only write if there is an impending deadline

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 The ghost of Benjamin Nen-yahoo came to me in a dream last night. He said to me, you have to make a power rankings before the season starts. I said, well they don't play on Wednesdays so I have another day. He said nuh uh they changed that this year. I said oh really. He said yes. I said well I don't wanna listen to you. He said yeah but you wanna write the power rankings still. I said yeah but it has nothing to do with you. He said well I'm telling you to. I said well now I don't want to. He said your friends will be disappointed and I know that because I came in their dreams too. I said ew gross. Then I woke up and wrote the power rankings 14 hours later.    1 New England Harbor Turds Mediterranean Gecko   I have to rank these fellas number 1 after I killed one last year unintentionally. This is my pathetic attempt at breaking the curse that I am convinced has been put upon me by the lizard spirits that surround us. These spirits drove Josh Jacobs to (allegedly) b...
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