entering my girly pop era

 For whatever reason I've really been embracing my feminine side recently. 

 

1 Just Gibbs Me a Reason

 Remi Wolf

 

I think at this point in the article I should explain I am not ranking singers. The prior entries may have led you believe that, but that is not the case. Anyways, back to the article. The point of choosing Remi Wolf is that you'll either react with either who? or her? Which should be the exact reaction you have seeing these guys at number one. Neither Remi nor this franchise have any track record to speak. Yet shockingly, they're both quite good. The only question for either of them, can they keep it up?

 

2 Cee Deez Nuts

 Charli xcx

 

Charli's first big hit would be "I Love It" featuring Icona Pop, meaning she had to split her first big success with someone else, like how the Nuts had to share their first (kinda) championship. Then a few years later, they both finally hit it big with their own success, BRAT for Charli and a championship for the Nuts. Charli created drama out of nothing at one point about not being a headliner when Green Day was. This is very reminiscent of the Nuts bringing up their rivalry with Indianapolis Glue Factory every single chance they get, when no one really cares about that.

 

3 TD Merchants

 Carly Rae Jepsen

 

Everybody knows "Call Me Maybe", it was Carly's first big song. And it was a fucking doozy. Starting your career off with a hit like that is insanely impressive. It's just about as impressive as winning the very first year of the league's existence. These two have followed up initial first hits with impressive showings, however neither have reached the peak again. If you're reading this thinking I mean that Carly Rae Jepsen is a one hit wonder that is not at all what I'm saying. If you think that yourself you do not know ball.

  

4 New England Harbor Turds

 Sienna Spiro

 

Sienna Spiro has truly burst onto the scene with her debut album Visitor, especially with the single "Great Expectations". Her timeless voice has gotten comparisons to Adele for Christ's sake. Like her, New England Harbor Turds have burst onto the scene after years of struggle. And like her, their general manager is truly timeless. My only concern with Sienna Spiro is that I'm almost certain she's an industry plant, a talented one, but alas a plant. While there aren't industry plants in fantasy football, Saudis owning a fantasy football team in a league amongst high school friends seems like the closest thing to that.

 

5 2019 LSU Tigers

 Tove Lo

 

"Habits (Stay High)" has an argument for anthem of high school for our generation. Either that or it just happened to be my carpool driver's favorite song when I was a sophomore so I think it had way more impact than it actually did. I refuse to entertain that notion for the purposes of this article though. Like Tove Lo, this owner dominated back when we were just kids. Have you heard much Tove Lo since high school (editor note: actually "No One Dies From Love" is a banger you should check out but ignore that for the purpose of making a point)? No. Has this guy won jack shit since high school? Also no.

  

6 Women Respectors

 Laufey

 

Laufey makes fantastic music, but what really sets her apart from everybody else is her ability to keep re-releasing albums. Her most recent, A Matter of Time, has three releases on Spotify plus a DVD of a concert. As a team owner, I get that. Instead of drafting new running backs every year, I just keep running back prior ones. I think if Laufey ran a fantasy football team she too would have either Josh Jacobs or David Montgomery on her team every single year, not necessarily because you think they're good but because they are panic picks.

 

7 2 Pain 2 Rogaine

 Debbii Dawson

 

Have you ever heard a song and thought, yeah I like that I'll add it to my playlist right now. Then every time that song comes on you skip it because you're not actually feeling it at all. Like it's not a bad song but you just don't really wanna listen to it, but when you added it to the playlist you thought you would wanna listen to it. Every single Debbii Dawson song is like that to me. And a lot of players on this team feel the same way to me. Like I see their names and I think yeah those guys are really good, then I think about it and I kinda wonder why I thought a guy like Chase Brown was that good.

 

8 Washington Sewer Pipes

 Ellie Goulding

 

I will level with all of you. I truly thought I could come up with 10 creative names and reasons why I'm matching artists with teams. I think I did a good job with 8 of them, but this is not one of them. I swear to god I tried but after like half an hour of thinking you wanna know why I chose Ellie Goulding here? Because she made the song "Burn" and I felt like a lot of players on this team should've been better but Washington Sewer Pipes got burned by them. Please hold your applause until the end.

 

9 day one or one day

Yoko Ono 

 

This whole basis of this choice is just this video of Yoko Ono performing with John Lennon and Chuck Berry. If you don't feel like clicking on the link, it's just non-sensical wailing while everybody else actually knows how to play music. Many transactions by this team could be considered non-sensical wailing. We are all still waiting for that one day everything changes. But that day isn't any time this season.

 

10 Indianapolis Glue Factory 

Katy Perry

 

One of the Boys and Teenage Dreams are a couple of the most influential albums of my younger days. Banger after banger after banger on those two albums. Then corporate slop made perfectly for Whole Foods shoppers. This franchise started this league with a couple bangers, getting 2nd and 4th in the first 2 years,  just like Katy Perry's first 2 albums. Also like Katy Perry, couldn't reach the mountaintop of being number one (let's be real Taylor Swift dominated during this time). Both have slowly faded out of cultural relevancy and have resorted to very strange ways of trying to attract attention, one chose going to space while the other traded for Aaron Jones.