PHIL POWER RANKINGS AND ALSO TRADE TALK

Alright I asked Derek if I could do a power rankings and he said 'I don't care' (inspiring stuff) so I am going to do a power rankings and the theme is trades. Going to rank everyone and assign them a significant NFL trade of the last 10 years and as a bonus I'm going to either grade the trade in the league you've been part of or suggest a trade you should make.

1. New England Harbor Turds

NFL Trade Comparable: Broncos trade for Sean Payton. The backbone of a great organization existed in Denver but for some reason hadn't come together in the post-Manning world. Then they trade for Payton (crazy you can do this, and it felt really pricey) and all of a sudden they're looking like a consistent contender. Similarly, the Turds' hiring of Gronk has clearly made all the difference, reading level be damned. Turds look good this year, finally.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: Honestly this team looks good at every position. Maybe sell Brandon Aubrey to Darrian for like $5 FAAB since he probably hasn't seen that Aubrey looks washed this year.

2. Just Gibbs Me a Reason

NFL Trade Comparable: Rams trade for Matt Stafford. Objectively a good, smart trade by the Rams, kind of like how you can't dispute Andy's team looks good. Winning despite decent QB play is not good for the rest of us even though some are saying a he's a #1 pick merchant. However, like seeing the Rams upgrading to Stafford and then doing great, seeing Andy build a good team leaves me sick to my stomach.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: You could really use a consistent QB. How about a Cowboys swap Javonte for Dak from Cee Deez Nuts? if that's too pricey for you I'll take Gibbs instead.

3. TD Merchants

NFL Trade Comparable: Chiefs move up to draft Patrick Mahomes. Chiefs knew their guy and they got him, and it's gone pretty well. You could quabble how good they've actually been but they did win a long time ago I guess. Swap Josh Allen for Mahomes and you got Sully's team.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: B-, mostly a wash of a trade but man it's going to hurt if Saquon never comes back into form. Higher range of outcomes. Still passing grade bc you made a trade.

4. Cee Deez Nuts

NFL Trade Comparable: Patriots trade for AJ Brown. The Patriots were called schedule merchants last year. Andy called me a schedule merchant in the group chat the other day. They were right about the Patriots. Game against Sully this week after losing to the superior Turds could confirm whether the same is true of me.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: A-, Burden feels like a smart gamble but if Aaron Jones stays healthy all year I'll look like an idiot. I like the trade though probably because I made it.

5. 2019 LSU Tigers

NFL Trade Comparable: Packers acquire Micah Parsons. Packers really went all out for some premium talent, but seem very dependent on him. Ethan's team looks similar, JJ and Jamar are an insane duo but you really need them to come through (or not be hurt). I do like the upside of Ethan's team still, especially with him having a sneaky great RB room.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: Andy's team could really use a QB like Drake Maye. Maybe extort him for some FAAB to get his QB and team name back.

6. 2 Pain 2 Rogaine

NFL Trade Comparable: Seahawks get way too much back for Russell Wilson. They won a lot of games by making this trade. You've won a lot of games by making trades that look like a fleece for you (because you got Derrick Henry) and then end up being a fleece for you (because you got Derrick Henry). You probably need another one of those trades this year to take your team from good to great.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: Idk somehow get Derrick Henry again? or maybe sell high on one of your two Tight Ends?

7. day one or one day

NFL Trade Comparable: Cardinals trade up for Josh Rosen. This was a baffling decision, and we have seen Darrian historically make some baffling decisions as well. I do feel a lot more optimistic about your franchise than the Arizona Cardinals though. But like the Cardinals, this team can be fiesty and reel off an unexpected win when they feel like it.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: DO NOT TRADE HENRY TO BRIAN I SWEAR TO GOD DO NOT TRADE HENRY TO BRIAN. Everyone should send Darrian a $5 FAAB donation as a thank you for his service.

8. Women Respecters

NFL Trade Comparable: Indianapolis Colts trade for Carson Wentz. Statistically speaking this trade netted the Colts one of the better starting QBs they've had since Luck. But the vibes game to game were anywhere from hold your breath to absolutely awful. That's kinda how this team feels, they can win games and score some points but man that RB room misses Josh Jacobs and he needs Puka to get healthy, not to mention they are both allegedly (probably) domestic abusers. Am I saying that Carson Wentz is as much of a criminal as these two? No, but some would say that. Some would say worse than any of that is never writing the power rankings.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: Spend all of your FAAB on Deshaun Watson, since giving him way too much money is tradition and he's also outscoring your starting QB so far this year.

9. Washington Sewer Pipes

NFL Trade Comparable: Chiefs trade down and draft Kadarius Toney. The Giants bet big in that draft in I think 2018 on 'their guy,' a young WR. They later traded OBJ, signaling their confidence in the young WR. Steven's team has a lot of 'my guy' type WRs that are unfortunately not doing anything, or at least not enough. Adding Pickens is a solid bet but also yet another WR that could disappoint. Also the wide range of outcomes that seem to surround every Giants season ever are reminiscent of the wide range of outcomes historically possible for Steven's team.

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: B+, I think your side of the trade is lower risk, and you get a guaranteed passing grade for having made a trade. Grabbing a few FAAB was smart as well. Jordan Mason is exciting magic beans.

10. Death by .500 Cuts

NFL Trade Comparable: Browns trade for Deshaun Watson. The Browns tempted fate by acquiring and then overpaying possibly the greatest sex criminal in NFL history. While in no way comparable, naming your team after your reliable .500 records seems like a sign to the football gods that said 'send this guy to fantasy football hell immediately.' Is this team better than its record? yeah probably. But somehow landing the first tie ever and then becoming Darrian's first win almost makes it feel like supernatural powers are cursing this team. Tough scene

Trade Grade / Trade You Should Make: B, grabbing Aaron Jones was a move that should have worked well. He's been consistent for your team. Bonus trade you should make is trade away Odunze, think of it as double or nothing on fading Bears WRs.