Weenie Hut Jr.

  We at the Weenie Hut Jr Editorial Illustrated Times Dispatch would like to apologize for the behavior of one of our writers. As readers may have noticed, columnist Andy Hohenberger has been neglecting his duties as bi-weekly power rankings author. This is because yes, those allegations you may have heard about him are totally true. Andrew Frederick Hohenberger was caught by border patrol 2 weeks ago for smuggling black tar heroin inside of his anus. The border patrol agent originally stopped him to just get a better look at the fattest ass he’s seen crossing the Costa Rican border, but unfortunately Andy panicked. The search lasted hours as Andy’s squeals freaked out the agents too much to continue the search until experts arrived on the scene. The defense for Mr. Hohenberger was that he committed a victimless crime, however his actions have scarred the lives of many who were forced to stare into the abyss of his asshole in the name of justice. We apologize and are embarrassed to...

  In honor of Veteran’s Day weekend, we will be honoring those who serve our country with honor and dignity. That’s right, our theme will be military themed. I want those that have served with honor to feel honored and respected. As a defense contractor, I know and personally experience the sacrifices our honorable soldiers make, because I too make those sacrifices. Editors note: I may have said I was going to spend a lot of time on these rankings. I apologize for I was under the influence of unbridled optimism. That was a mistake. Like many in the defense industry, I ended doing just the bare minimum. 1) Washington Sewer Pipes Our Soldiers If I had a girlfriend, fiance, or wife; I would let any American soldier commit sex with her because that’s how much I love our troops. I almost love this lineup that much. You could argue that they have one weakness with their WR2, but that’s pushing it. This is the frontrunner and I already have created my $50 Venmo draft ready to pay up for t...

  power rankings This week I am ranking your teams and will be comparing each to something. That’s the whole gimmick. My mind just ain’t doing it for me this week. I’m pretty sure brains tend to get rather damp due to drinking alcohol, so mine may be drowning from Friday still. Luckily Elon Musk has saved the first amendment, so I’m allowed to do this and you guys can’t stop me. You guys aren’t even allowed to criticize me because I pay $8 a month and you would be violating the first amendment. I think you’d get arrested if you say anything mean to me, so be really nice. Please. Tell me I’m good. 1) Tinfoil Tu-Anon Chick Hicks This year there’s no such thing as a juggernaut, but I suppose if I had to choose one it might the crazed lunatics of the Tu-Anon. The Allen Diggs stack gives fantasy owners and defensive coordinators in every league nightmares. Yes this team has lost two in a row, but contrary to popular belief us power rankers are capable of looking past just the win-loss c...