peasants

 Welcome to the Final Power Rankings of the Year. I intentionally waited until Super Bowl weekend because I thought that would be fitting. I haven’t been lazy or putting this off or anything, this has been the plan at all. I even definitely wrote this way before and have been holding onto this as opposed to writing this on Friday. 

Now that we have this out of the way, wow what a year. We had some pretty one sided trades and some insane luck going both ways. And we even had user participation for this power rankings! That’s right, you the fans had some input on these rankings. It was mostly ignored though. My editors made me do this to increase attention but I obviously know more than all of you so I’ve listed where you ranked people, but it doesn’t really matter what you said.

Since this is the greatest of the rankings, I chose to rank using the greatest actor of all time.

ADAM SANDLER CHARACTERS

1) Steven

Fan vote = 1

Howard Ratner from Uncut Gems

Did you know that Adam Sandler can legitimately act? If you think he can’t, watch this movie. Caution, the only thing this movie has similar to all other Adam Sandler movies is that he casted a hot chick as his love interest. Other than that it’s just an all out banger, but not in the usual Adam Sandler way. By far his best work. Anyways, in Europe it’s quite common for leagues to not really have playoffs. They use the standings at the end of the year to determine the champion. And while that’s way more boring, Steven certainly wishes that were the case this year. This team was head and shoulders above every team this year, but of course that doesn’t matter come ‘yoffs. Every game is 50/50 and the coin didn’t flip the right way this year. This year has cemented Steven as a yearly contender, his team may not always be #1 but any playoffs miss would be a shock.

2) Phil

Fan vote = 2

Skeeter Bronson from Bedtime Stories

This is the movie of my childhood. Adam (I can just use his first name because we’re close like that) has the perfect mix of comedy and wholesome in this absolutely lovely movie. In my opinion it is by far his most underrated performance, and yes he casted another hot woman to be his love interest with his selection of Keri Russell. Phil here got himself a “championship” this year, I believe the first time he can claim that? But seriously this was a solid year from this squad, bouncing back from totally missing the playoffs last year in embarrassing fashion. This team was built around a fleece of a trade in the Kittle acquisition and an incredible 4th round pick. 

3) Brian

Fan vote = 4

Henry Roth from Fifty First Dates

For the other co-champion I chose the other most underrated role Adam Sandler role he’s done. Him, Reese Witherspoon, and one of my favorite actors Sean Astin absolutely perform in this movie. I have watched this movie an amount of times that I should probably not mention for the sake of my reputation. It is just an absolute banger. Speaking of which, this team absolutely banged in the ‘yoffs. Every year there’s a team that does that, and this year it was Brian. He also doesn’t read these so why am I putting some much effort into this?

4) Mike

Fan vote = 3

Happy Gilmore from Happy Gilmore

You may be asking, how does such an iconic performance fall so low? Well, I actually haven’t seen the movie. Anyways Mike is just kinda in this area every year. Decent team that keeps making the playoffs and bullies Derek every year. It’s quite the niche to be in, definitely one of the more exciting ones. Will this guy somehow manage to be the dark horse every single year? I hope not because I really wanna make it past my first playoff matchup for once.

5) Derek

Fan vote = 5

Dracula from Hotel Transylvania

Honestly this movie is pretty decent. It’s a very solid family movie, has some humor and has some nice messages. Would I claim it as a great Disney movie? Nah, but it’s not at all bad. Anyways, I’m a playoff disappoint. That’s my ceiling. I don’t think I’ll ever progess past this point. I am completely confident that no matter my regular season, I will lose my first matchup and absolutely curb stomp the consolation. It sucks. I hate it. I will see you next year.

6) Ethan

Fan vote = 8

Sam Brenner from Pixels

This movie is a movie involving Kevin James and Adam Sandler. The most unbelievable thing is that Kevin James is the president. There are aliens pretending to be video games or something. I don’t know. It wasn’t the worst. Anyways this was a playoff team that played in the sacko bracket. While they weren’t the most unlucky team, they certainly had more bad luck than good. I expect this team to rebound next year. Or not, I’m not convinced they really have that dog in them.

7) Q

Fan vote = 6

Lenny Feder from Grown Ups

Adam Sandler just decided to get his best friends together and goof around with a big budget. Hell yeah. I got mad respect for that. It wasn’t all that good of a movie but hey, whatever. Anyways this team was by far the most unlucky. They weren’t world beaters or anything and nothing about their roster really popped out as all that impressive, but boy they were way better than their record would suggest. I feel slightly bad about the hot sauce consumption that is about to occur, but also that’s not my problem.

8) Sully

Fan vote = 7

Lenny Feder from Grown Ups 2

I gave these guys Lenny Fedder because they were the exact opposites of the team ahead of them. Typing that out it doesn’t make much sense. But oh well. They weren’t all that good but somehow made the playoffs, where they were absolutely outclassed. This team wasn’t all that impressive and honestly were quite forgettable. This year was certainly one for them. 

Darrian

Smitty from The Cosby Show

I just thought this was a fun fact.

9) Witz

Fan vote = 9

Jack from Jack and Jill

I can see why Witz doesn’t wanna keep playing. I don’t mean that as a skill issue. The drafting luck has been absolutely brutal. While some of the decisions weren’t necessarily the best decisions at the time they occurred, hitting the worst case scenario in all of them just sucks. I feel slightly bad but also I’m quite content that I don’t have to suck his dick. 

10)Andy

Fan voting = 10

Jill from Jack and Jill

Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad. This brings me joy. Lol. Get better.

RV) my mother

What the fuck 

Phil 10 8 9 = 27

Steven 10 10 9 = 29

Mike 5 9 8 = 22

Derek 7 7 4 = 18

Brian 8 4 7 = 19

Sully 6 1 6 = 13

Witz 3 2 3 = 8

Q 4 5 5 = 14

Ethan 2 6 2 = 10

Andy 1 3 1 = 5