i watched a pickup driving towards me very quickly and yet the scariest thing I've done this week is talk to a girl

 I am very just done with this week man. It’s because it’s veterans day was this last weekend.



1 Brian - Simo Häyhä

The white death. He killed a lot of Soviets and no one could kill him. Pretty badass. The picture is just a white picture because he was the white death. Brian’s team is good.


2 Andy - Wojtek the Bear

Wojtek was a bear that the Polish drafted to their army because he was just a chill dude who liked to drink beer and carry boxes. Andy’s team is also good.


3 Q - Audie Murphy 

His wikipedia page comes up when you search coolest soldiers of all time. That’s all I really know but that’s good enough to rank him here. Q’s team is very poopy but in a good way because they are the Turds.


4 Phil - Jack Churchill

Jack had the last recorded longbow kill in military history, taking place during World War II. He also enjoyed playing the bagpipes while throwing grenades. Absolute Chad. Phil’s team is below mine in points for which is kinda embarrassing.


5 Darrian - Darrian


I didn’t know where to rank Darrian. Do I think of him more highly as a soldier or fantasy football manager? Both are scary propositions. I decided to rank him as himself to save myself the trouble because that’s easier.


6 Derek - Alvin York

I honestly don’t remember his story, at some point I listed him because he probably did something badass but I forgot already. I’m tired of ranking my team, they lose then win and repeat. I don’t know how to rank that.


7 Ethan - Johnny Sins

Everybody’s favorite soldier. Ethan has only outscored Steven’s by 3 this year. Pathetic.


8 Mike - Attila the Hun

This isn’t the real Attila the Hun, it’s the one from everybody’s favorite movie Night at the Museum. The keep talking about the tearing limbs thing which sounds like there’s a moment that is absolutely divine before your limbs tear off. Mike is on heater watch, uh oh.


9 Sully - Brad Pitt’s character in Inglourious Basterds 

Does he actually speak Italian? They never really explain that which seems like a plothole. Ruh roh Sully you kinda look dogshit again? Is there another excuse this week.


10 Steven - The guy who got killed by a longbow in WW2

Idk if it’s more embarrassing to be that guy or the manager of this team.

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