last week i had a great title but this week i have nothing

I want everybody to know that I fucking hate you guys. Brian was the only team that was ranked high last week that didn’t fucking suck. I don’t wanna rank any of you 2nd. This made me very angry. To calm myself the theme is a group of my heroes.

DIVORCED GUYS

1 Brian

Rob Quinlivan

I do not know if this is the correct Rob, I just googled his name and it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him

so like maybe this is him? Everybody’s favorite divorced guy. He is a group legend. He is the only divorced

guy to have a son in the Boy’s Hall of Fame (citation needed). Anyways I’ve made Brian a juggernaut. He will

not put up less than 100 until the first round of the playoffs. Third place here he comes.

T4 Q

Albert Pujols

Who can forget this legend divorcing his wife and announcing her brain cancer in the same statement. But I heard that Deidre was a bitch and his new wife is the daughter of the former president of the Dominican Republic which probably is cool. Also she’s hotter than his ex wife. Yes this team is tied for fourth, after that dogshit week I can’t bring myself to give them second, which is a bad idea because the Turds will come back with vengeance this week both on the field against me, and in the toilet.

T4 Phil

Kris Humphries

No one would’ve heard of this guy if not for the 2 months he spent banging Kim K then divorcing her. I have but

one note and that’s don’t sign a prenup if you’re marrying a Kardashian. Buddy they have way more money

than you. Phil just because you one doesn’t mean you get rewarded with taking 2nd in the power rankings

. I had a WR with negative points and out scored you.

T4 Andy

Yeezy

Lapping up Kris Humphries’ sloppy seconds (who honestly was settling for Ray J’s sloppy seconds). But hey

at least he took the divorce well. This is way higher than I wanna rank Andy after what I said last week but I

gotta because no one else really looked that good.

T4 Darrian

Hulk Hogan

Hulk Hogan got divorced because he was sleeping with his daughter’s friend, but like hey who can blame him?

Most people can because that is kinda weird and makes for weird family gatherings but it’s Hulk Hogan so we

can forgive him. Darrian is ranked 4th (in a many way tie) which is something I never imagined saying this late

seriously. He has a legitimate claim to at least this spot, if not higher…?

T4 Sully

Tiger Woods

We all know about Tiger. Top divorced guy material. Sully could’ve cemented himself as the second best

team this week. All he had to do is beat the team that was in last place. If I’m not mistaken that would be

called a cake walk. And then he didn’t. Mike last week I used a few entries to make fun of you so now I’ll

give you props multiple times.

7 Ethan

Hugh Jackman

Hugh’s divorce isn’t all that notable, but he seems like a pretty cool guy. While I was in the gym yesterday

there was a movie on one of the TVs with vampires and werewolves and Hugh Jackman looked pretty neat

in it and now I’m thinking about growing out my hair cuz he looked good with it. Anyways Ethan is

somehow always luck at fantasy football and I do not like it. But he didn’t get away with it this week so I

get to punish him more than usual.

8  Derek

Lance Armstrong

Did you know that Lance Armstrong divorced his wife to date Sheryl Crow? Did you know that my dad’s

2nd cousin left Sheryl Crow at the altar? Did you know he did that because he didn’t like that she was branching

out to not Christian music? My family caused Lance Armstrong to dope. I hate fantasy football. I just hope I

get a new job before getting sent to Ho Chi Minh City because the security people tell us it’s incredibl

y suspicious to go to a foreign country for a very short amount of time with no explanation. Gulp

9 Mike

Jeff Bezos

Jeff Bezos may have lost the most amount in a divorce of all time (there was a Saudi prince or something

but idk who he is). Absolute choke job. He even had a hall pass to fuck his high school honey and fumbled

the whole bag. Mike you probably thought the nice things would include being ranked higher but like, I coul

dn’t. Good win this week. You’ll just have to settle with beating me in the sacko playoffs because you love rav

aging me in the postseason.

10 Steven 

A-Rod

A-Rod fucking sucks. He did move onto J-Lo after his divorce which is cool, but she left him for Ben Affleck

which is embarrassing. Anyways Steven has fallen to last in points for again. The next guy to catch is no longer

Mike, but it’s Ethan who is somehow in a playoff spot. Because why not