if i drink this bleach and get it on my shirt now i feel like a asshole

 You know what fraud and missing the fantasy football playoffs have in common? They make people look like this

That was just so that would show up as the thumbnail. Anyways this week is about fraud. I don’t feel like writing an intro. It hurts me.


Note: I won’t be writing power rankings next week because it doesn’t feel necessary for the playoffs. It’s TBD if I write something, I may just post a list of insults for each of you since that’s all this really is


1 Return of the King

Fraudulent activities: trade raping special needs people doesn’t make you good at fantasy football

Continually getting gifted Derrick Henry doesn’t make you good at fantasy football. It means 2 things: I’m bad at fantasy football and you have no heart. You can’t keep getting away with this. Unless I draft Derrick Henry again next year. Which I won’t. Maybe.


2 Father of the Year

Fraudulent activities: fake good at fantasy football, will not elaborate

Nothing more needs to be said. Phil isn’t actually good at fantasy. He’s just really good at pretending he is. If you think about it too much it might not make a lot of sense so don’t worry about it. Anyways he’s only 35 transactions away from last year’s total.


3 Justin Jefferson’s ACL

Fraudulent activities: I personally root against Andy so he’s a fraud

Fun fact the law says the fraud can be any personal vendetta against someone else (no need to look it up for yourselves I’m the media so I can’t lie). And I have a personal vendetta against Andy that dates back to awhile ago. So he’s legally a fraud. Expect to hear from my lawyer.


4 Sisyphean Boulders

Fraudulent Activities: his team is a fraud, I just can’t tell if the losing was fraudulent or if this winning is

Yeah that’s basically it. Mike is definitely a fraud but I can’t tell if he was a fraud or if he’s now committing fraud. It’s confusing me and I do not like that so please stop it. Just decide if you’re good or bad. 


5 Slant Boys

Fraudulent Activities: he took Tony Pollard 4th he doesn’t deserve this

This is truly a “Why do good things happen to bad people” sort of situation. You mean to tell me this guy who reached higher than the top shelf to get TP and he makes the playoffs? Why? I don’t like it, life’s not fair and the world is mean.


6 Lamar’s Diarrhea Boys

Fraudulent Activities: man after such a good week it’s hard to call you a fraud now that you’ve moved up to… 2nd worst in points for

Let’s go baby! Ethan just put up the most points this week! Surely this means he puts up a lotta points every week right? Oh he hasn’t… but I bet all those other weeks were flukes right? Yeah that’s it, Ethan’s gonna win the whole thing. That is if every other team starts scoring only 60 a week.


7 Youngway Kooters

Fraudulent Activities: not talking fantasy here, don’t know ball

This isn’t about fantasy football. Darrian please learn football. It’s so much easier to talk to you about it when you get the names right. The Quandale Dingle thing can stay but the rest has got to go.


8 MS Sentient Turds

Fraudulent Activites: idk if it’s fraudulent but it’s sad you keep looking good and ending up here

I can’t directly call Q a fraud right now because I don’t wanna pile on the guy. But like, it happened again. Twice is still only a coincidence but is this gonna be the pattern? Q you’re better than this buddy.


9 Hocky Slush

Fraudulent Activities: there’s nothing fake about these tears

I’m not a fraud. I’m sad. I’m pathetic. How does this happen to me? God why do you give me the hardest battles, you can’t expect me to win them when I didn’t learn to tie my shoes until 7th grade. This team has got me ready to run through a wall but not because I’m pumped. It’s because the only thing I can feel anymore is pain and I need to feel something. I could go on but in today’s job market I should probably refrain from sounding too depressed so I can keep my job.


10 Chubb Memorial Team

Fraudulent Activities: I think Steven tanked on purpose to fuck someone over in the Witzo for his own entertainment

What’s he planning in there? I don’t think Steven is as bad as we all think. I think he acquired all these players specifically for these last 3 weeks just to terrorize the Witzo Bowl playoffs. I can not think of what the motive would be for this, but it must be something that only an evil genius could think of.

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