Weenie Hut Jr.

To open this week’s power rankings, I want to hold a moment of silence for all the fallen soldiers Week 7 and all weeks before that have been taken far too early. May they forever be your personal bargaining chip for why your team underperformed for the season and not on your terrible drafting or depth planning. Fantasy owners are constantly afraid off when the injury bug will bite their team. But there's now a new fear for all football fans around the country. This threat is not contained by borders, attacks indiscriminately, and at times finds joy in the misfortunes of his pray. Fantasy owners, Pro-Bowl RBs, college QBs, and fan bases across the country all fear him. Its the one the only jamesdroz566! For this power rankings we'll be looking into the rising legend of James and his work today of single handedly dismantling NFL/college franchises.   10) Texas Longhorns Lose to OSU   (Hundred Aker Woods) Probably one of James roughest of the year. However, it’s still an impress...

  WEEK 6 power rankings: KA-CHOW Thanks to our lovely data science intern we have some real numbers: As you can see, defensive points have only a smidge of correlation with winning. But it’s very nice to make fun of each other. For example, Phil had negative points this week and is dogshit at picking defenses. And Steven isn’t. Good job intern, doing my job for me 1) Tinfoil Tu-Anon Sh-Boom by The Chords God the song Sh-Boom most recently made popular by the hit Pixar move Cars is a modern day classic. Lightning McQueen is by far the best part of the movie, but this song is a close number 2. Life could be a dream if you’re this team. They’re sh-booming the rest of the league after a disappointing last season. That being said they will likely put up 60 points this week and drop massively in the rankings because a) the Bills are on a bye and b) us power rankers will not pay that much attention so when they have very few points that’s all we’ll see. 2) Slant Boys Real Gone by Sheryl ...

You know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. But they also say Phil is always right and has never been wrong about anything. So we’re gonna run with that and try to do draft grades for every team in the League through 6 weeks. Will these takes age poorly? Probably. Will personal biases and hurt feelings affect what I think of players and teams? You bet. Oh and also I’m going to assign a Kanye controversy to each team with no explanation provided. Consider it my soft application for taking over the power rankings if Andyman keeps slacking. DISCLAIMER: I didn’t really thoroughly look through every roster I sorta just picked the first two guys that fit but again im never wrong so my word is law fuck you Washington Sewer Pipes Kanye Controversy: BILL COSBY INNOCENT !!!!!!!!! Best Draft Pick: Davante Adams: turns out Adams was the secret sauce to the Aaron Rodgers drink. I guess while Rodgers was off avoiding vaccines and instead putting safe things like PCP or whatever in his body, Adams w...

Guest Writer: Steven Lobser  Some weeks your fantasy team performs so poorly you wish you were watching as a regular fan. If you don’t have a diehard team you support here’s which teams in the nfl that your fantasy team best matches vibes with. Unfortunately you might lose twice in one week supporting your fantasy team's spirit animal NFL team.  Slant boys  New York Giants - a high draft seems to have pushed this group to the elite level but many question their record and roster. Reliant on an all star RB and a good mobile qb to overcome a lack of depth and a weakening WR core. Just like the Giants as soon as their starting RB went down the flaws of this team were pulled forward. Let's see if Sully has the talent/ pixie dust that has allowed Brian Daboll to beat tougher opponents.  MS Sentient Turd  Houston Texans - Just like the Texans this team lives or dies off their lethal RB talent. And just like the Texans they are far better than their record shows (not j...