Weenie Hut Jr.

  Here at the Weenie Hut Jr. Post-Gazette Times we listen to our readers. We often just ignore them, however this week my editors are on my ass about taking feedback for once. I heard y’all like stats and tables, so here you guys go: Alcohol Consumed 0 Tears Cried Watching Football Countless Mac + Cheese Consumed This week 5 bowls Boiling Point of Water 212 degrees F Burns Received While Cooking 1 (on my elbow, it’s not too bad) Times Shitted While Writing  3 but 1 in the first sitting and 2 in the second sitting so it’s only pretty bad Times Jerked Off I am a God-fearing follower of Christ, I would never cave to such a sin (14 times) Numbers. WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS: THINGS AT THE ZOO THAT AREN’T ZOO ANIMALS 1) Slant Boys The Train CHOO CHOO! Summer days at the zoo are incomplete without a ride on the train. This zoo classic takes you from one part of the park to the other. Just like this summer-time staple, the Boys are chugging along beautifully. They’re keeping on schedule w...

Wow…what a terrible week of football for Lawn Duty. 70% of the league finished below 90 pts and watching our teams resulted in mostly touchdown-less boring football. But you know what's not boring is cartoons. Let’s be honest here, cartoons on the big screen and tele have  given the freedom to some horned up animators to let their minds run wild and have groomed an entire generation with cartoon scary goth chicks (all women scare me but that’s beyond the point). This week’s power rankings is “Cartoon characters that…Yeah I would” where it get progressively more confusing, but still…would. 1) Mrs. Incredible/Elastagirl (Slant Boys) With nearly 42k on the dedicated subreddit Helen is the undisputed goat  r/elastagirl . According to Brad Bird, the creator of Elastagirl, Helen is a modern mom who must stretch in hundreds of different ways each day. He once described the character as having a “very sturdy center” and oh he made that very clear. Just like Helen, this team’s got a ...

  Imagine not starting a really good wide receiver this week. Okay now open your eyes. If you participate in this league, you probably didn’t have to imagine, because 11 of the top 15 WRs were not in starting lineups this week. This is really uncommon. I’m pretty sure numbers back that up.  Player Rank Amon-Ra St. Brown 2 Jaylen Waddle 3 Garrett Wilson (FA) 4 Nelson Agholor (FA) 8 Rashod Bateman 9 Drake London 10 Amari Cooper 11 Curtis Samuel 12 Noah Brown (FA) 13 Corey Davis (FA) 14 Jahan Dotson 15 Diggs changed this but whatever, he can go fuck himself 1) Slant Boys Formula 1 Car The pinnacle of motor racing. This car is the fastest around just about any track. This team put up big numbers despite down weeks from Johnathan Taylor and Travis Kelce, but unfortunately for the rest of the league that won’t be a common occurrence. The rest of the team only overperformed a bit, so their high score isn’t insane. They seem likely to put up F1 constructor points up every week. I’m be...