This is How Andy Finds Out He No Longer Has Editing Privileges For the Blog
Since this is the final regular season power rankings, we will finally do the long awaited much requested Q&A. Throughout the season many people have been asking us questions and now we will finally get around to answering them
Q: Why did you rank my team so low?
A: I genuinely hate you. As a person and as a fantasy owner. It is very personal. Go fuck yourself.
Q: Why did you rank my team so high?
A: Because I really don’t like the other people and putting them behind such a shitty team like yours is funny to me.
Q: I am a super hot women and I really want to have sex with you because you are also really hot?
A: Nice try Mike, fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me. I don’t know what the 3rd and 4th times are considered, but I won’t get fooled 5 straight times. But if you’re not Mike then, hey how’s it going? Come here often?
Q: What happened to Andy?
A: Andy has been fired from his job here at the Weenie Hut Jr. Gazette Times Tribute. He has been neglecting his job and sexually harassing our secretary. Which is especially concerning because our secretary isn’t a person, but just the fantasy football channel in the discord. It’s not technically a crime. Anyways, a tribute video has been created.
1) Washington Sewer Pipes
The 9/11 First Pitch
Bush’s most iconic moment as president came just days after what might be the worst day in recorded history of airplanes avoiding buildings. He stepped up in baseball’s Sistine Chapel and delivered the most patriotic pitch ever. And just like George’s vest that day, this team is bulletproof. They had an absolute nightmare of a week for this team. The WRs disappointed, Mixon was mediocre, and no one really stepped up with a great week. They still scored 100. This team looks unstoppable right now and should be well rested after their bye next week. These juggernauts should start practicing hoisting the trophy as that’s the only foreseeable outcome at this point.
2) Zach Wilson’s Buddy’s Mom
The Drive Heard Round the World
While this moment isn’t as iconic as that first pitch, it’s still great. Such a strong political statement followed by a center fairway drive is something no president has done before (source needed) or after (source needed). This team is at the point where they could realistically be #1, but the argument isn’t good enough to unseat the reigning number 1. This team is nearly, if not as, strong top to bottom as Steven’s team. There is a clear distinction between these two teams and the rest of the league. I hate to give credit where credit is due, but these guys for sure deserved their byes.
3) Run CMC
George Bush Dodges a Shoe
W showed off his quick reflexes which shouldn’t surprise people too much considering most of his iconic moments involve him being fairly athletic. And just like Georgie boy, this team dodged disaster this week by just squeaking his way into the playoffs. It may have taken a Kyler possibly COD related injury to make it happen, but it’s still deserving. This team is in the 3v6 matchup, and while they’re technically the 6 seed they are likely to enter the week as favorites. They are already 2-0 this year against the students of the Ruggs Driving School, so falling one spot this week may have actually been favorable.
4) Henry Ruggs Driving School
George Bush Slapping Ass
This comparison has nothing to do with my fantasy team, I just imagine if I were asked to slap ass it would look just as, if not more, awkward. Etienne, Waddle, Andrews, and Gabe Davis have all scored less than 10 points each week since Week 10, with Andrews being <10 since Week 7. This is a team that has limped to the finish after a strong middle part of the season. Fans are hoping that they’ve been conserving energy for a deep playoff run, but a disappointing game against Phil last week was a must win that fell flat, so don’t keep your hopes up.
5) Slant Boys
The Fact That He’s Definitely Banging Michelle
It should be well known at this point that I do not consider the depth of my theme’s subjects and this theme is no different. I was at a loss for things to include in this article. I did not want to get political so I chose the least controversial thing for my last inclusion on this list. Anyways this team rebounded from a god awful middle part of the season that even included an appearance in last place just a month ago (in the power rankings which is what really matters). They now face a rematch with Brian’s team after having quite possibly the most boring final week in what should’ve been the most interesting matchup.
6) Benadryl Shadowmen
George Bush the Masseuse
This is George doing his best deshaun impression here. I feel like every president has some weird video like this where they act kinda creepy by touching someone else’s shoulders. Anyways this team may have been deserving of a playoff spot this year, but only borderline. They did have one of the toughest schedules this year but that was no excuse for some teams that finished ahead of them. Actually upon further inspection, every team finished ahead of them.
7) Jaylen Waddle Fan Club
Bush
Brian still doesn't read this and I've already put in a nuff effort.
8) MS Sentient Turds
The Fact That He Hates Black People
With a final week push, this team crawled its way out of the basement in who knows how long. And it was a long time coming, as these guys finished with more points for than half of the playoff teams this year. Just like Bush’s feelings about black people, God must absolutely hate this owner for some particular reason.
9) Hundred Aker Wood
He Finds Out About 9/11
This clip shows almost exactly what Witz looked like when he found out about Kyler’s injury. That’s an incredibly unlucky blow if only considering this one matchup, however this team finished in last place in points for over the whole season and their playoff spot would’ve been wasted on them.
10) Snuck Off My Leash
Failed Escape
Best one to not make the playoffs just means first loser. Anyways I really want them to get sacko.
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