If I pooped in a different bathroom in Russell Wilson's house each time I had to poop today I'd double dip in 3 bathrooms

 I would like to go on record saying I had an absolutely banger of an idea for the theme this week. Russell Wilson Bathrooms. I was even gonna rank Witz’s former team and the All-Darrian-Drop team to get all 12 bathrooms involved. Alas, I could not find a house tour with bathroom pictures. It honestly ruined my week.

Here’s an image of one of his Seattle bathrooms just for shits (that’s a pun because people often shit in bathrooms) and giggles: 

So I had to move to my backup theme.



1 MS Sentient Turds

Geno Smith

The man who did it. He didn’t write back baby. Just like Geno, this team was written off. They can’t win. They always blow it. They’re probably not potty trained. Yet here they are. Number 1. Dawgs. Talkin’ Shit can’t talk a lotta shit right now cuz these guys are unstoppable.


2 Brian Robinson

Nick Foles

Former Rams player Big Dick Nick (can’t relate personally) is a dawg. My man stepped up, won a super bowl, still back up. The absolute pinnacle of being a back up without becoming not the back up. Love it. Also you may be wondering how this team beat Andy’s in this ranking? First Andy lost a close one to a bitter rival which is an automatic spot drop. Also Brian is 3-1 without a single home game. Absolute gamers.


3 Justin Jefferson’s ACL

Chase Daniel

Former Mizzou Heisman finalist. $42 million earned. Less than 200 passes thrown. I met a guy in a Whataburger at like 7am who was his neighbor so that was fun. Beast. Also Andy that’s kind of an embarrassing loss. lol


4 Father of the Year

Matt Flynn

This man had one elite game in the last game of a season where no one cared. That somehow earned him $20 million, which he pocketed and ran. Man was never good. But that’s what makes him such a great backup. And this team is good too. Maybe he should start starting the right people. Just throwing that out there.


5 Lamar’s Diarrhea Boys

Tyrod Taylor

Tyrod Taylor makes this list just for the sole reason that his entrance in last night’s game was the nail in the coffin that let me beat Andy.


6 Hocky Slush

Drew Lock

Former Mizzou quarterback has a horse cock (can’t relate). He won’t be a backup for long. And this team won’t be here much longer either. My biggest fear is that that last sentence may be a threat. Oh no.


7 Youngway Kooter

Blaine Gabbert

Former Mizzou quarterback has massive balls (can’t relate) since he saved people from a helicopter crash while on a jet ski. I haven’t done that. No one has. Except for Blaine Gabbert. Mizzou is backup quarterback U. Also I keep giving Darrian themes I really don’t wanna give him but it keeps happening.


8 Ridley’s Slot Scrapers

Taysom Hill

Is Taysom Hill a backup quarterback?


9 Chubb Memorial Team

Dan Orlovsky



10 Slant Boys

David Blough

Did you know that Purdue alum David Blough has a W-L record of 0-7? Did you know that Sully is on pace to blow that out of the water? I did. According to my quick math, he’s on pace for 0-14. Somehow, he won’t be the Sacko Bowl loser because that’s how that works.

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