I had to play weird drinking games with my sisters and it just wasn't fun

 

My little sister is a really slow driver so you can imagine my predicament when I was in the car when she was driving back from my other sister’s apartment (the older one) and I suddenly really had to pee. Unfortunately she didn’t have the customary pee bottle available in the car so I had to hold it.

PLACES TO PEE

Brian

Somewhere at a high elevation with a great view

There ain’t nothing like being at the top of the world, which is where Brian’s team is currently. And something

 about taking a nice hearty piss there is just perfect. I imagine when God created the world, the first thing he

 must’ve done is stand on a ledge above creation and make it rain.

Andy

Fresh Snow

The term making your mark of course first originates from being able to pee in fresh snow and write whatever 

you’d like on a perfect blank canvas. Andy’s team took the blank canvas at the time of the draft and wrote his

 name all over. Which is surprising given Andy’s lack of accuracy while taking a leak.

Phil

Horse Troughs with Ice

The perfect receptacle for a public restroom is very obviously a horse trough. Nothing like cramming shoulder

 to shoulder with the boys while a little drunk and releasing a stream. Especially if there’s a bunch of crushed ice 

in there so you can create a nice little path in it. I feel like if I make the prediction that this team is a tier belo

w the top 2 this team will either put up 140 next week or one of the top 2 will drop 50. So instead I will make the

 bold statement, Phil will win the fantasy football championship and be even more insufferable.

Derek

Sink

When God created bathrooms people misunderstood the intentions for some of the bathroom fixtures. For example

 everybody should only pee in the sink, I don’t understand why women don’t do it more often. Also I’m putting

 myself at 4th because I’m very unhappy about my loss and it makes me feel a little bit better.

Q

Drawer

As long as mother doesn’t find the piss drawer it’s quite nice. How else will one access one’s piss in the near

 immediate future? Wait for it to rain? Also Q I’m sorry I didn’t mean to bring up how unlucky you are in the 

Derek Luck Index. But hey at least only 1 of the losses in your 3 game losing streak qualifies as unlucky.

Ethan 

Sully’s Bed

All the benefits of pissing the bed, none of the worry about missing your own bed. Boy wouldn’t that be nice. 

The only team this year that has less points than Ethan is Steven. I think Ethan sucked off the devil.

Sully

On Your Own Jeans Accidentally in your Friends Backyard

I am not directing this at anyone. Swear to god. Sully’s team does everything it can to prove me wrong

. I rank them as the worst, they start winning. I almost put them first, they start losing. I don’t care anymore.

 Just whatever, do whatever you want, I can’t tell anymore. I really hope I didn’t accidentally accuse Andy of 

something he didn’t do.

Mike

Swimming Pool

Peeing in the swimming pool went downhill during that scene in Grown Ups where they all pee in the pool. I 

know it doesn’t turn dark blue but like now if I pee in the pool I just think of David Spade. Mike is officially on 

a heater. Remember that start to the season? Yeah, that Mike is back. Just in time to make the playoffs so he can

 knock me out again.

Darrian

Mountain Dew Bottle

Darrian definitely seems like the kind of guy to have pissed in an empty Mountain Dew bottle, which if you think

 about it it’s probably the worst soda bottle to choose. Army people are weird so I bet it wasn’t even while playin

g video games, he probably wanted to throw it at someone. This is the team I feel is the most inaccurately ranked

, but I also don’t actually know who else I’d rank below them. Darrian is the biggest victim of the league parity 

this year.

Steven

Toilet

I bet Steven sits down when he pees.