why do i have to piss so much when I'm trying to stay hydrated

 Here at the Weenie Hut Junior Gazette Times Scottsdale Post Incorporated we never make mistakes. My parents may have with my birth but that is a whole different topic of conversation that I would discuss with a therapist if I needed one. But I don't. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. However we have almost made some mistakes with the themes we have almost used. So here are the themes that have just missed the cut (and I might use next season once you forget about this ranking).

1 Cee Deez Nuts

First 10 Girls on Tinder

 

Yeah so this one I initially thought would be funny at first thought however after further thought (meaning the second thought that crossed my mind) it would be probably pretty creepy. Most accounts on Tinder are bots these days anyways so I may do a bot rankings at some point but yeah using pictures of random girls on a dating app has been decided to be a no go. The Nuts have been creeping up the standings with a bit of a win streak going on and a team that looks like they may be starting to peak. Add in the number one overall pick in a couple weeks (wait I didn't think they drafted that high?) and you've got yourself a behemoth of a squad. One that includes Tony Pollard.

2 Addison AssEaters

Words For Cum

 

Yeah this theme has an incredibly simple explanation for why it has been left in the drafts. I just do not wanna spend that much time researching and discussing man blast. That may cum as a surprise for those of you who know me however even I have my limits. The eaters of the rear appear to finally be hitting on all cylinders after a sluggish start from some of their stars, however the loss of Diggs and the missing persons case involving Amari Cooper does leave question marks in their WR2 slot. Luckily for them Darnell Mooney has never disappointed anyone ever.

3 Washington Sewer Pipes

Ways I’ve Injured Myself

 

I am very similar to JK Dobbins in many ways including my increased risk of injury. We are both widely considered to be bubble boys. However after thought and brainstorming, I realized that many of my injuries are quite boring and would make for a very boring theme. No one wants to read about early onset carpal tunnel syndrome. If we did a redraft right now the Pipes may have the most 1st round picks on their time right now. That would be up for debate if I allowed it however it is now printed word and therefore the truth. They're now finally all healthy and primed to pressure the leaders for one of the byes in the playoffs this year. However being in 5th in the standings mean they'll be relying on some others to fail if they wanna actually accomplish that. 

4 Bigs is Back

Penis Enlargement Techniques

 

This theme had a very, very similar problem with the cum theme. However there are two additional issues I thought of. First, there is a severe lack of professional research on the topic and I would never spread fake news. Second, while I may be able to talk my way out of having a bunch of cum references in my search history I do not think I could do that with this topic. Because I've never looked it up anyways. I have never been so confident in my life that Parker Washington will score a touchdown this weekend. I'm not convinced that this GM necessarily knows ball, but I am convinced he is the Jags whisperer. I don't understand it nor will I pretend to but I will always fear a Jags player in this man's lineup. 

5 Jesus Died For Your Zyns

Y’all’s Balls

 

I distinctly remember attempting this theme and trying to determine the best medium to publish the article. The only setback was the lack of pictures. I believe I did in fact ask and I'm pretty sure I still have some of the pics somewhere in the ether. However until every ball and lump is accounted for this one will have to wait. The Zynners have been slowly falling out of the contenders tier into the mushy middle. No one can deny the star power of the top of the lineup but scrolling down it becomes clear they'd really need one more stud to really round out the team. Unfortunately by the time they drafted in the first round it was too late to grab one so they may be stuck in purgatory. Still they'll scare any opponent they face with their boom potential.

6 Big Man Blastoise

Drugs I Wanna Try

 

This is a theme that I do think will eventually happen at some point. However with my current employment situation I don't think I want anything like this remotely tied to me as my journalism career is not yet paying the bills. Maybe if google would allow me to finally add ads that would fix things. Many people think that team names mean absolutely nothing however science says this couldn't be further from the truth. A strategy only seen in fantasy football has lifted the spirits of this team to a 3 game win streak and only one game out of a playoff spot. The early season slump has left them a little behind in points for but the roll they've been on could potentially bring them back in the mix there too. There's still very little margin for error but they may have gotten hot just in time to save the season. 

7 Tuacide Squad

Fast Food Fries

 

This was one of my earliest ideas that I kinda kept in my back pocket for when my theme muse refused to speak to me. Many weeks I glanced at it and thought I might give it a go this time. However each time I thought of something better, which I think is an incredibly low bar to clear because I don't really like this one. I think it's time to stop pretending it's an option. Is TuAnon back? Should we have ever doubted this team? I have never once seen a team so dependent on a player that is not even on any team's roster, yet here we are. Luckily the lack of living brain cells left in Tua's head may save this season which absolutely no one is rooting for.

8 Slant Boys

Alcohols to Black Out On

 

This theme was specifically curated for a week when I wanted to make fun of this team's GM by assigning them Bud Select. However when working on that list I thought it was kinda lame. That week I instead just kinda chose things with no theme in mind and since left this theme to the wayside. Now it's here, finally making it's debut after basically being fired because of Bud Select. At first glance this may seem low for a team currently in a playoff spot with a point total that doesn't scream fluke. However looking at the roster I'm not inspired. The demotion of Mason really leaves a hole in the lineup with no obvious replacement. They're only holding onto the final spot and have a couple potential wagons on their ass biting at their heels. They certainly aren't out of it and a Kupp trade could reignite them, but right now I have them at the bottom of the mushy middle. 

9 New England Harbor Turds

Ways to Kill Yourself

 

Can you tell I came up with this theme last year after I just missed the playoffs? I feel like if any team can relate it may be this one. The Turds struggled in their new home to start the season but clawed their way back to the middle of the pack. The addition of Kareem Hunt has been a shining light on their dull season. They have gotten healthy and still aren't looking bad, but I think their roster is too full of ifs and question marks. Some of their players have been good but I still find them to be too unreliable. They also get knocked down a couple spots because of their franchise history. But hey maybe this is their year. 

0 Begging For Mercy

Types of Doctors

 

I've never once considered this theme but I don't have many bad ideas. Okay maybe I do but usually I go ahead and publish them anyways. This is a theme I thought of tonight only for this article and determined I would never do it anyways. But if I had to I would assign this team liver doctor. Because they should spend the rest of their season drinking to forget this embarrasement.