Very Intelligent Non-Biased Draft Analysis

 Everyone knows the foundation of a good fantasy football team is a good draft. Some would say that means getting your guys, some would say that means getting value at your picks, most would say you shouldn’t draft Kyle Pitts. No matter how well your (my) 50 roster transactions go, you probably won’t be able to make up for too many draft misses. Unless Derek trades you an RB1 every year then you’re probably fine regardless.


Anyways, here’s a ranking of people’s drafts.


Jesus Died For Your Zyns (Andy):

Best Pick: Christian McCaffrey. Your best pick was the easy one. Make of that what you will.


Worst Pick: Alvin Kamara. This isn’t a PPR league, but it is a league with a Derek Carr led offense in the year of our lord 2024. I wouldn’t want any part of that, especially with the 21OA pick.


Overrated: Joe Burrow. But it’ll be fun for weeks 4-8 where he heats up and isn’t hurt.


Underrated: Jakobi Meyers. Will probably somehow have the most targets of anybody on the Raiders. Except when you start him.


Overall Grade: C+. Feels like a safe team but not a championship contender. Every guy has a bit of a question mark.


Verdict: Drag racing on a Dallas freeway



Addison AssEaters (Derek):

Best Pick: Kelce. Sneaky good sure thing at a boring position. Always good to be the guy to get him.


Worst Pick: Josh Jacobs. Dude’s an inefficient bum on a great offense with a lot of weapons and the rest of the league has a year of tape on them. Feels like he’ll be worse than expected just like the whole offense. RB depth behind him is solid though.


Overrated: Raheem MustStart. No personal bias here.


Underrated: David Montgomery. Heard a guy named Shmerik Blecktein is planning to slice Jahmyr Gibbs’ hamstring.


Overall Grade: B+


Verdict: Good but you’re going to be annoying about it



New England Harbor Turds (Q):

Best Pick: Amon-Ra St. Brown. Safe floor should be nice to bank on around playoff/sacko time. Also Scary Terry should be solid this year.


Worst Pick: D’Andre Swift. Just hard to trust a guy who wasn’t great on the Lions offense or a Philly team running behind Jason Kelce.


Overrated: CJ Stroud. Just doesn’t have the rushing upside.


Underrated: Javonte Williams. 2 years out from ACL injury and proud recipient of 1000 checkdowns from 32-year-old Bo Nix. 


Overall Grade: C


Verdict: You will never live down drafting Kyle Pitts again.



Lamar’s Diarrhea Boys (Ethan):

Best Pick: Zamir White. Ugly but i think the volume keeps him serviceable as RB2 when Kyren gets his head taken off returning a punt.


Worst Pick: Kyren Williams. Sean McVay HATES this guy lol 


Overrated: Keon Coleman. I think he’ll be the 4th most used receiving option on the Bills.


Underrated: Zeke. He’s bad, but he’ll be fantasy good.


Overall Grade: C-


Verdict: Doesn’t matter you’ll make the playoffs somehow


Return of the King (Brian):

Best Pick: Brandon Aiyuk. Insane to get this guy in the 5th round tbh.


Worst Pick: Kyler Murray. You shouldn’t have picked him. You should have let me pick him.


Overrated: Jayden Reed. Just think this guy is a flash in the pan. Or maybe Gabe Davis 2.0 along with the rest of the Packers WRs.


Underrated: Turd Ferguson. #2 option on an offense that’ll inexplicably still be good in the regular season and also somehow get Mike McCarthy fired.


Overall Grade: B


Verdict: Does it really matter? Brian’s going to win the league again



Cee Deez Nuts (Phil):

Best Pick: CeeDee Lamb. 1000 IQ move. Knew he was signing the next day. No stress at all.


Worst Pick: Najee Harris. The Kyle Pitts of running backs.


Overrated: Ravens D/ST. I got too excited to root for the Ravens. I drafted early for a defense and forgot they got a new DC


Underrated: Tony Pollard. Think he’s the clear lead back on an offense that’ll be much improved.


Overall Grade: A


Verdict: Coping with the fact that I drafted a good team that I hate. But fuck it we live.



Washington Sewer Pipes (Steven):

Best Pick: AJ Brown. Crazy WR2 and crazy he was there at #14. Dude has the secret power of crying to his coach that when activated makes him WR1 over the next 5 weeks.


Worst Pick: Joe Mixon. Might still be good. I just don’t like him.


Overrated: Tee Higgins. The vibes are just bad with this guy no matter how good he SHOULD be.


Underrated: Hollywood Brown. Anytime you can get Mahomes’ potential #1 in the 12th round you slam it. Just pretend last year’s Chiefs offense didn’t happen.


Overall Grade: A-


Verdict: Drafted 3 guys on my dynasty team but also guys competing with my guys for playing time



Slant Boys (Sully):

Best Pick: Cooper Kupp. Guy will find his magic now that he’s back on the Slant Boys.


Worst Pick: Dalton Kincaid. You should’ve let me draft him.


Overrated: Pacheco. Love this guy but the Chiefs just signed Samaje Perine, aka the Osama Bin Laden of fantasy backfields.


Underrated: Rico Dowdle. He’ll be so good after Zeke’s family puts him in a home.


Overall Grade: B-


Verdict: Your WR2 is Daniel Jones dependent



Youngway Kooter (Darrian):

Best Pick: James Conner. Stole my pookie away from me.


Worst Pick: Evan Engram. Would be better if this was PPR but I think he’s going to be worse this year, and why do you need two TEs?


Overrated: Mike Evans. I know you wanted your guy and he is a stud but 11th overall? P.U.


Underrated: KWIII this guy is going to put up 30 points on me week 1 


Overall Grade: C+


Verdict: thank you for your service



McConkey Want Boing Boing (Mike):

Best Pick: Jahmyr Gibbs. High risk high reward with the team situation and the injury but pretty sick for an RB2


Worst Pick: Jordan Love. I’m just not buying in on this guy just yet.


Overrated: Chase Brown. I have this guy in dynasty, but I keep seeing Bengals fans on the internet say he’s got no vision and the Bengals are probably too traumatized from Mixon getting stuffed on 3 downs at the 1 yard line to run the ball very much


Underrated: DK Metcalf. Everyone forgets how good this guy is.


Overall Grade: B-


Verdict: Guaranteed playoff team so that he can lose to me

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